For A Few Thousand, I Can Enrich Your Soul!
Posted by: linr12 on: October 12, 2009
Spiritual enlightenment for $9,000. Really?
My question here is this: WHY were you seemingly intelligent people crammed into a tight space, sweating your asses off after a 36 hour fast? All in a quest for spiritual enlightenment? I was not aware that you could actually pay for those sorts of things.
Now there is talk of criminal negligence. Which I do agree with, to a point. But what about personal responsibility? What about that, hmmm?
Love, Honor and Respect
Posted by: linr12 on: October 8, 2009
I’ll put a disclaimer here. I’m not a marriage counselor. This having been said, I think I could point out a few things to some younger couples that I see (or read about in various websites I read about online) that might enrich your marriage – and perhaps prevent an eventual divorce.
There is a little thing called respect. So many people fail to use this with their spouses. I am continually shocked by the number of people who say they love their husbands/wives with all their heart, and then call them names I would never dream of calling Gary. Or talk to their other halves in ways I’m sure they would not talk to strangers. For instances, there is a girl I know through mutual friends and she is on my MySpace– and I will admit beforehand I do not know her very well or even in person . She is very much in love with her fiancé. They appear to have this deep, abiding love. Yet…. She will leave him comments calling him the most atrocious names. Like “ass fuck” and the like. I’m sure to them it’s an inside joke. Yet, to me I’m thinking “really? That’s a pet name you have for the man you love more than life itself?”
I see it continually with other couples. The name calling in jest (or at least I hope it’s in jest). The sheer rudeness. The complete lack of manners. No please. No thank you. Lack of common courtesy that you would show a stranger. I understand our spouses and significant others are not strangers and we are afforded a more intimate bantering with them, but by this sheer intimacy I feel we should treat them with far more respect.
I cannot image calling Gary a foul name – even in jest. I try hard to remember to thank him for the big and small things he does.
Marriage is about respect and love. You cannot show a love and respect by being rude to someone. I honestly cannot wrap my mind around the idea that calling someone an “ass fuck” is respectful or loving. Yes, it’s their relationship. No, I’m not intimately involved at all in it. I just see this over and over and it makes me sad for them.
I have noticed that in relationships where the respect is obvious, the relationships seem stronger. More permanent. I cannot think of one couple I know that has been together for more than a few years where they name call or treat each other with sheer disrespect and they are happy together.
Again, it is true I do not know the inner workings of other people’s relationships; I just cannot imagine using language and actions other than love and respect for the person I consider my life partner.
I KNEW IT!!
Posted by: linr12 on: October 7, 2009
From the moment we crossed the boarder into this state, I knew that there was something different about Louisiana. Southern charm and manners are a myth here. What is not a myth is the inbred redneck. Seriously. In the five years I have lived here, sadly, I have lost IQ points.
Now there is proof that I have not made this all up. I stand vindicated — if not a little bit less intelligent.
On the Border
Posted by: linr12 on: September 19, 2009
This is something that is not easy for me to blog about, but here I go…
I have been on an antidepressant for years. I was on an anti-anxiety medication for years as well. I have no problem admitting that I take/took these medications. I calmly tell people who are struggling wit a new diagnosis of depression, “If you were diabetic, would you be embarrassed to admit you were on insulin?” I use logic with them.
I staunchly defend (or at least try to) mental illness causes. I point out that a mental illness is not a character flaw. I have even changed Gary’s opinion on this matter. When we first met, he – for all of his intelligence and coming from a family with a medical background – thought mental illness was a character flaw. He no longer feels this way.
And yet…. I guard something about myself from so many. I have a diagnosis called Borderline Personality Disorder . I am not as forthcoming about this because of the following:
This is a “disorder”
- It sounds almost like a split personality diagnosis
- If you read the books, or even some of the websites, the examples they give are so extreme, I cringe. Then I remind myself that there always varying levels of any diagnosis.
- I still judge even myself.
would like to clarify that Borderline Personality Disorder is NOT multiple personality disorder or bipolar/manic depression. These are separate diagnosis.
I have come so far. I was first diagnosed with BPD when I was 17. At that time, it was such a horrible diagnosis. They basically tell you, “you’re messed in the head, you’ll never be normal.” That was 23 years ago.
I’m so happy to say that I don’t have the extreme behaviors that so many people with this diagnosis do. I don’t have volatile personal relationships. That’s not something I could tolerate in my life. I did go through periods in my life of crippling depression. I did go through my life of where I cut – though thankfully I’m not scarred so badly that people see marks all over my arms and know I was a “cutter.” I was never a drug addict nor an alcoholic. My addiction is and will always be food. Even after having gastric bypass, I still struggle with eating. I do have a problem with compulsive spending, but never to the point of manic spending.
I could tell you why I am have a been diagnosed with BPD. But it doesn’t matter for the sake of this blog entry. The fact is, I have this diagnosis. BUT I AM MORE THAN THAT. I’m not defined by my diagnosis.
Recently I started seeing a therapist (as I do off and on as I realize I need to adjust where I am in life). She practices Dialectical Behavioral Therapy I also attend a group therapy every Friday. Gary calls this my Maniacs Meeting. The idea behind DBT is to become more “mindful.” Honestly, this is something that nearly anyone could benefit from. It is an all woman’s group with other Army wives and female soldiers. The first Friday I attended I was shocked to see there were female soldiers there… but that’s another story.
Through DBT I have learned so much. I think I have come so far. I’m still nervous about this post. I still judge myself for this diagnosis – though logically I know it’s not my fault. I would never judge anyone else, still I sit in judgment of myself. I think my first step in letting go of the judgment if being more open.
Oh and the whole being normal thing? Yeah, I’m not. But you know? I never really wanted to be normal. Normal’s boring.
Please, if you’re struggling with any sort of depression, anxiety or other emotional issue, don’t feel too ashamed to get help or take medication. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you smart. Smart enough to know you need some help and to take the steps to get it.
HOW TO LOCATE MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES IN YOUR ARE:
Eight Years, Two Days Later
Posted by: linr12 on: September 13, 2009
Today is 9/13. I suppose you could say I’m late to the game. I’d like to think that I’m not. Two days ago eight years ago we all know that our world as we know it changed – The World Trade Center, the Pentagon, Flight 93.
Two days and eight years later, all in the name of terrorism – so many lives lost. So many families altered, changed and torn apart.
I remember, of course where I was. The fear that slowly crept through my body as I realized what this would mean for me. Selfish, maybe…but that’s what I felt. The fear gripped me. My boyfriend at the time – Gary – was in the Army. He was in the 82nd Airborne at Ft. Bragg. This was before Iraq. Before Afghanistan.
At that time, I was working for John Hancock Financial Services in Albuquerque, NM. I worked as one of only seven representatives that serviced the term life policies. I realized I would be taking calls for people having lost their lives during this process.
After our facility was shut down for security, I went home and watched the news. I was numb.
Gary had been put on alert that day to go to NYC. He ultimately was not sent. He finished his time at Ft. Bragg. Went on to Korea for a year. Then got out of the Army for a year. Miraculously he was not stop-lossed even though he got out right at the beginning of the Iraq invasion.
A lot has changed since that day eight years and two days ago. For America. For me.
Gary and I have married. We have a son. Gary has deployed to both Afghanistan and Iraq.
Our lives go on. That’s just it. The hijackers did not succeed. Our lives GO ON. They took too many lives – in the name of their extreme beliefs. But our lives and so many others go on.
Eight years and two day later we are still here.
Think BEFORE You Speak
Posted by: linr12 on: August 24, 2009
- In: Friends
- 2 Comments
I wonder if this is really so hard? I’m not known for having that filter that one should have, this is true. However, my problem is really more of one that I just sort of blurt out goofy things. I do not, as a general rule, say hurtful or mindless things.
By TBYS I mean when someone is going through a rough spot in life. For instance, a friend of mine just lost her son in a custody battle. It was a two year long, ugly thing. The father lied under oath. It was horrendous. When the other women on our mommy board (the online community on which I met my friend) found out, most were very sympathetic and left the loving messages she needed to read. Others, of course, left messages like, “ASK FOR A RETRIAL!!” As if her lawyer hadn’t maybe already thought of that, or as if it was that simple. Then there was the brilliant one who said, “What’s the age that a child can ask to go live with the other parent?!” HELLO! Our children are FIVE YEARS OLD!!! It would stand to reason that no state would have a five year old choose the parent he/she could live with.
These people are often throwing out “advice” like that. To me, it is insensitive. Sometimes just downright ignorant.
When I was working last year, I had a customer come in and tell myself and two co-workers about his premature son who was born on Mother’s Day and died on July 4th. It was heart wrenching. My boss actually said, “Well, I guess it’s God’s will. At least you still have two other kids.” Really?!?!? REALLY!!!! She had other nuggets of comfort but that one was the best. I still run into that soldier from time to time, he still mentions my ex-boss’s comments.
My point, and as usual I do have one it’s just buried in a lot of extra words, is that you should actually THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. If someone is sharing something with you that is obviously a tragedy for them: STOP. THINK. THINK SOME MORE. THINK AGAIN. THEN…… THINK….. THINK….. then speak. Don’t offer advice. Not all people need advice. Some don’t even want it. Unless they ask for it, don’t give it. Often when someone tells me of a loss they suffered, be it a death, a car accident, a hangnail, I will say varying degrees of, “I’m sorry. I did not know your ::insert name of relation here/tragedy:: but I am sorry you had to go through that.:: Is there anything I can do?” If it’s a serious thing, I stress how very sorry I am. I offer specific help, such as errand running or a meal or whatever. I try to tune into their emotions and if they need to talk, I let them. It’s soooo hard not to offer advice. Trust me, I want to. I just keep it to myself, usually. I mean I’m not perfect (much) but I really try to think before I speak in this one area of life.
Army Wife ~ Toughest Job In the Army! Or is it
Posted by: linr12 on: July 23, 2009
- In: Army Life
- 3 Comments
Have you ever seen this little ditty on a bumper sticker or t-shirt?
Do you ever wonder if it’s true? As an Army wife. I can do a comparison. Maybe we can figure it out together. Let’s begin, shall we?
While my husband was over in Iraq cruising Route Irish (also known as the Highway of Death) so nicknamed for it’s charming tendency to be littered with IEDs, in a Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle (MRAP) sweating his ass off in up to 70 pounds of gear with a bunch of smelly guys, I was driving in my air conditioned four-door sedan. My biggest worry? Whether or not the jerk ahead of me was going to go the speed limit.
The 48,000 pound MRAP stuck in a ditch… oh but it’s ok, I’m sure they have AAA over there, right?
While my husband tossed and turned at night, missing his family, he could pull out a few pictures and look at us. Tracing the lines of our faces on photograph. While I tossed and turned at night missing my husband, I could snuggle our son and gaze down into a face so like his father’s it is comforting. I could trace the forehead and jaw so like his daddy’s that it had earned him the nickname of “Mini Sgt. R” by some of Gary’s soldiers.
(This picture was taken 30 minutes before Gary deployed to Iraq. The boys catch their last snooze together)
Last summer when it was over 100 degrees in Louisiana, I went from my air conditioned house, to my air conditioned car, to my air conditioned job. Gary went from his somewhat air conditioned room (shared with another soldier) to his not-very-at-all-air-conditioned-MRAP-wearing 70 pounds of gear. Then dismounted to go on foot patrol for six to eight hours wearing his 70 pounds of gear in 120 degree weather.
While he was deployed, I worked to pass the time. This is an actual picture I took while at work because I was so bored.
This is an actual picture taken while Gary’s at work. Funny, he doesn’t look so bored, does he?
These are a few very minor comparisons.
So, Army wife… toughest job in the Army? You decide.
The Shack
Posted by: linr12 on: July 21, 2009
I just finished reading the book “The Shack.” Critics have panned it for not being scripturally accurate. Who cares? The fact is, I got out of it what I needed.
One sentence resonated with me. I don’t know why. It’s something I’ve known for years. Yet for some reason, the way this author put it just hit me so deeply.
Mack and Jesus are having a conversation. Jesus says to Mack something along the lines of, “I did not die for just you, but if I did what a wonderful thing to have died for just you.”
On my lowest days, I remind myself that Jesus did not die for me, just me. Yet he feels that even if he did, that was wonderful. That I was worth going through all he suffered through.
Wow…Just.. WOW
Fourth of July
Posted by: linr12 on: July 5, 2009
- In: Army Life
- 3 Comments
We went the event put on by MWR last night. The free Clint Black concert. It was hot — over 100 degrees. I was going to blog about rude people, the heat, etc. Then as I sat down to write, the overwhelming thing that came to mind was that when the National Anthem began everything and everyone stopped. The vendors stopped selling, the crowd stopped..uhm… crowding (?) and we all turned and faced the flag. Soldiers, civilians, men, women, children all stood there and showed their respect. A crowd of thousands were virtually silent.
I looked around feeling overwhelmed and teary-eyed. THIS is what being an American was all about to me. The fact that everything stopped for our flag and anthem.
This doesn’t happen everywhere. Yes, being part of a military family definitely has its drawbacks. Yet the perks are certainly there.
Sex, Race and Other Taboo Topics
Posted by: linr12 on: June 30, 2009
You know what I don’t like? Besides beets? Which, by the way, are DISGUSTING. Isms. I do not like –isms.
By this I mean racism. Sexism. I guess you could say I don’t like prejudices as a whole.
I understand why they have come to be. I understand why there are stereotypes. There is a reason why people look at women and say we are bad drivers (hellllllo I am notoriously bad at parking).
This having been said, what really gets my blood boiling is reverse-isms. And no folks this is not some sort of new sexual position.
I do not like when there is a reverse-ism. When you take an –ism and reverse it. I see this a lot in the Army and it really gets me. Inequity really bothers me. Which is not to say I am perfect. Or that I’m always fair. Though I try, oh how I try.
Case in point…or cases.
*It is not uncommon to know of female soldiers living openly gay. At least on this post, and on many others that I have heard and read about. Yet DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN ABOVE, if you were to know of a male soldier who was gay… CHAPTER HIS ASS OUT. The don’t ask, don’t tell policy is in place. Whether you approve or don’t approve of this policy, it’s there. You can’t have it both ways. You cannot, by military law, live openly as a homosexual. I am NOT judging. I’m stating a fact here. It is not fair to have a double standard.
*Hair is not to touch the collar of a uniform. Period. Yet, you will see a female soldier walking around with her hair touching the collar, all the time. However, if a male were to do it, again, he’d get in massive trouble. Or heaven forbid, he not shave that one day because of whatever reason. It’s about presenting a soldierly appearance. This is a small example compared to the above, but it is so frustrating to see it over and over again. Men have to spend $7/week on average to keep their hair cut, but women can’t keep their hair in a clip or something to keep it off their collar?! Oh and I might remind you that Gary’s bald so the money thing is not an issue to me J
*Race. First, and very much foremost racism is wrong. Regardless of your color, it is wrong. However, at this time, some racism has reversed in the Army. An Equal Opportunity Officer in a briefing actually admitted that it has reversed and it is more likely to be a white male discriminated against but the Army is behind the times. I’ve seen this before. Gary’s old first sergeant was blatantly racist (he is a Black man who was openly racist against White and Mexican soldiers). I have a post about racism coming up soon. I want to share how I feel about this.
*Sexism. Ahhh yes, sexism. I’m a woman (in case anyone wondered). I’m all for equal rights, etc. etc. Now that’s been established… if you join the military, you better be able to do what a male soldier does. A soldier is a soldier first, a man or a woman second. Sadly, this is what the Army is about. This is something I knew long before being an Army wife. So, when I see a woman soldier getting treated more fairly than a male soldier based on her sex, it boils my blood. This has never happened to Gary as he is in an all-male job (he’s infantry) but I’ve seen it.
And that, my fair reader (and lordy, I like to pretend I have tons) is how I feel about –isms. I don’t like them. Reverse or otherwise.
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