A.W.E. ~Army Wife Extraordinaire~

Being the wife a Drill Sergeant is unique. First, you have to get used to the new hat. The campaign hat. The brown round. The Smokey Bear hat. I think you get the picture. That darn hat takes up a lot more room than the typical Army headgear.

When you go out to eat, for instance, your husband cannot just fold it and tuck it in his pocket. Nope, it has to be neatly placed on a chair or table. My husband has actually taken to calling his hat, “Hat.” Yup, Hat. As if it is a being. When we go out, Hat gets a chair. He’s been known to place Hat on our son’s booster seat if our son’s not riding with us. At the grocery store, Hat rides in the front like a small child.

Hat has mystical powers, as well. A newly-graduated private automatically moves out of the way in a crowded PX. I’ve actually heard a few yell, “make way.” As a woman who has illusions (yes, illusions, not delusions) of grandeur, the sight of the crowds parting for me is a delightful sight. I conveniently ignore the fact they are actually parting for Hat and not me.

Hat has a special bed — a hat press. Hat rests here at night so as to keep the brim flat and round. Apparently this is to keep Hat’s intimidation factor at its maximum. You don’t find this with the normal Army headgear. The berets and patrol caps (PC’s) just fall where they may.

To be sure, Hat is very unique and special. I’m almost surprised it doesn’t sparkle in the sunlight.

Between you and me? I don’t much like Hat. Maybe it’s what Hat stands for — the hours away from me that my husband must spend as a Drill Sergeant. The way the time as a Drill Sergeant has aged my husband. Or just maybe the fact that Hat covers too much of my husband’s gorgeous face. Who knows? I just much prefer another form of headgear for my husband.

Him in his younger 82nd Airborne Paratrooper days. Now THAT’s the headgear I prefer.  Though, truth be told, the sight of him often makes my heart skip a beat. He’s still gorgeous to me after all these years.

How many United States Army Drill Sergeants need to kill themselves before the Army cares? If someone would put out a number, there are quite a few right on the brink that will make that ultimate sacrifice for their Battle Buddies in order to get the word out that the system is broken. Now to be clear, I’m not advocating suicide by any means. Yet, nothing else seemed to work for recruiters until a rash of suicides.

A quick check of Google using “recruiters suicides” will turn up the story of the Army probing 17 suicides being 2001 – 2009. Since then, standards and conditions have been much better for recruiters.

You do a check for “Drill Sergeant suicides” and you find stories for “Full Metal Jacket” and how Drill Sergeants are trained to look for suicide indicators. Does this mean Drill Sergeants are not committing suicide? Quite the opposite.

The world of being a Drill Sergeant is demanding. The world of being a Drill Sergeant spouse is demanding, frustrating, rewarding and crushing. My husband has been “on the trail” — the phrase used to describe Drill Sergeant duty — for nearly 18 months. The entire time he has been on the trail, we have heard that things will get better for Drill Sergeants and their families. Changes are coming, we are assured.

Maybe we were remiss in not asking for a definition of the word better. I have always understood the word to mean an improvement over my current situation. Rather than getting better, it has become substantially worse. Especially here at Ft. Jackson, South Carolina.

Every time I think it can’t get worse, I’m quite mistaken.

For those not familiar with Basic Combat Training, here’s a rundown: there are three phases. Red, White and Blue. Each phase, the Soldiers in Training (SIT’s) get more responsibility and, in theory, the Drill Sergeants should have more time off work. For the first year or so, my husband worked at least 16 hour days during Red Phase, including Saturday and some Sundays. I hate it, but understood it as an evil necessity. When White Phase came along, he would work maybe 12 hours, with maybe two Saturdays and rarely Sundays. Blue Phases were short but he was home far more often. Then there were cycle breaks, where there were no SIT’s and he was home a lot.

As in any Army unit, changes of command happen. My husband’s unit had one. The new command has decided, apparently, Drill Sergeants need to work far more hours. My husband now works so many hours, I go days not seeing him for more than a few minutes. His nails are chewed to the quick. He is stressed beyond his limit. So are all of his fellow Drill Sergeants. No one can continue at this pace.

They are told they cannot drink water from a plastic bottle. Oh no, they must drink from canteens like the SIT’s. They are treated, basically, like Privates in Basic Training. Let’s not forget these men and women — the Drill Sergeants have been in the Army no less than five years. Usually far more. My husband has been in 12 years. Been to combat twice. Most Drill Sergeants have. I know quite a few Drill sergeants with Purple Hearts. But they can’t drink water from a plastic bottle in front of brand new trainees. Or use their cell phones. Why? Because they’re put on the same level as the brand new ones are.

Family time is a joke to the command. I know my husband’s Battalion Commander couldn’t care less. His wife is clueless about what enlisted people go through. Heck, she even laughed and admitted she never bothered to learn enlisted people’s rank. While there’s no reason why she would’ve needed to know the ranks, why OH WHY would you just admit that in a meeting filled with enlisted family members? Because you clearly have no concept of what we go through.

The list could go on and on. But really, why bother? I’ve lost hope. I knew one Drill Sergeant before she became a DS. She no longer smiles everyday. That’s what this life does to you.

Their morale is low. But who cares? No one cares. That’s who. But we’re told, “Things will get better!!!!” For 18 months I’ve been told THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I don’t think they will.

So now my question is: How many Drill Sergeants have to kill themselves to make the Army care. Let the TRADOC world know. By the way, my husband is totally not one on the edge to kill himself. He would be the first to try to stop someone from doing it, as well. I reiterate that I am not advocating suicide. This just seems to be the ONLY way the Army listens.   Sure, they have “sensing sessions” where we sit and pour our feelings out.  Yet, it was told to one of the wives by the Post Garrison’s wife that her husband was “sick and tired of the Drill Sergeant’s whining.” 

So, yeah, just let us know.

**What you can do to help:  Write to your state representative and ask them what they are doing to make sure Drill Sergeants are being taken care of like Recruiters are.  Let’s make this a priority before suicides become the answer for too many**